Monday, August 1, 2011

Episode 11 postlude: After the final rose

Let the shrieking begin! They all want Ben! A whole roomful young women who will date you and marry you and walk barefoot through the summer-evening vineyards with you! But before then, reuniting with the one who broke your heart. So unnatural. Ugh? Uchh? Any decisions on how to spell it?

And Ben's burning question, as with all #2 finishers...when did you know? Like, through what dates/canoodles/sleepovers did you already know you were done with me? I would imagine JP would be a bit curious about that as well.

As for JP, well, bless them. I'm starting to actually think this might work out. Ew--except for the sister. VERY frosty little smirk when JP said he didn't get how anyone could not like him. And very pointedly no hug for JP after greeting Ashley. She's apologizing beautifully, but...yeah, there's no quick TV fix for this, despite all the laughing about happy holidays together in the future.

Wait--Ashley is STILL finishing school? Rather a backwards career: First she's finished, then she's almost finished, then a year later she's still finishing. Man, this Bachelorette business is time-consuming.

DOUBLE WAIT! They're going BACK to Fiji?!? Too lucky. But, lucky for us, Bachelor Pad next week!

Episode 11 #6: The proposals

Oh, I just like Ben so much. This is painful, watching a human heart fill up and start to overflow with happiness and then rupture. Why did he steamroll ahead with that proposal when she was clearly trying to break bad news quickly? So predictable, Ashley trying to fix it by running after him to tell him he's "interesting" and "funny." Line of the night: "Good things don't end unless they end badly." Spot on. And a purely, purely honest reaction. Ugh. Uhch. How many ways can you spell that?

Okay, makeup redo. Time for another shot at this, with better light. You have to know getting off the plane that when you show up for the sunset shot you're The Chosen One. All very nicely done for the camera. Sincerely felt at the time, I'm sure. Now time to start the pool on how long this'll last. And will Sister Inky be able to resist saying "I told you so" when it ends?

The cleaners are going to have a devil of a time with that dress being in the seawater.

Episode 11, #5: I want the ring guy's job

Seriously--fly around the world with fabulous rings and have guaranteed sales in beautiful places. Nice work. I love the way he tells Ben "It wasn't that hard, was it?" and Ben sounds surprised to admit that it wasn't. Well, sure, when you're NOT PAYING FOR IT. And isn't it kind of weird to think that your potential bride could be wearing a ring for the rest of her life that's a TV show prize?

So does JP have to pick whatever's left after Ben has picked his ring? Hmm...has Ashley already identified her favorite ring and whoever picks it is the winner?

Quite the contrast: JP is talking about his worries and doubts while Ben talks about all his confidence. The classic switcheroo: downplaying JP to make it more surprising when she picks him. And then he says no? And then she starts swimming out after Ben's plane, taxiing across the water? I mean, where is all the stuff they gave us in previews supposed to start showing up? The wailing Ashley in her proposal dress saying she can't take it anymore? The blow-up in JP's room? Man, this blog is going to be boring to people who read it after they've already seen the show...

Episode 11, #4: A new rack for JP

So where'd Ashley come up with those boobs for JP's date? I mean, overnight long hair in a new color is one thing, but a new body? I think there's going to be a lot of Googling going on by flat-ish women trying to figure out where she got that swimsuit top.

...and that was the most interesting part of the date. Dude put himself out there, and Ashley talked about feeling bad that somebody's going to have to go without a clue, but if that's true that's her fault, right?

Episode 11 #3: Ben wins with dog voices

So that's all it takes? Funny voices? Geeze--somebody coulda told JP. I think the multiple references to "goofy" suggest that what Ashley sees in JP is something she WANTS to be: not goofy. A grownup. A reasonable wish.

Well, look--Denarau Island has nice beaches TOO! Can't go wrong on Fiji, now, can you? Lucky Ashley's family with the expense-paid trip. Silent brother scored a lot for very little effort: I'd wear puka shells and sit around saying nothing and sweating for that. Just don't send him to the mud baths. On camera, anyway.

Shoot. Ben just makes me smile. Silly, Ashley-esque girls never go for the better fit, but he really is.

Episode 11, #2: JP fails to impress

First off: JP. First question: Couldn't they have moved these people into the shade? Such a lot of blotting and fanning and blowing down shirts. But once they got into the AC for some family drama and a lot of bang-swiping...NOW things REALLY heat up. How much time has Mom spent mediating between the sisters over the years? Anyone else notice the way Ashley puts on a mocking voice whenever she quotes the sister? I'm having a hard time judging Sister Inky, though. On first blush, I like her better than Ashley. But as I see more, she seems to be trying to grab camera time with the know-it-all big-sister routine.

BUT THEN...JP scores the game-winner in my book by using his head in evaluating Ashley's reaction to the sister-snark and then saying he won't propose to somebody who doesn't overwhelmingly want to be with him. I bet there are PLENTY of girls who would REALLY like to be with you, pal.

Short version? Sister's right. Ashley's too giddy and young for JP, and Ashley DOES only want the sister's approval, not the sister's opinion.

Bachelorette: Ashley, episode 11--Finale Fireworks

As Ashley has set it up at the beginning, this is going to be the contest between the buddy and the hot thing. Statistics, I believe, will prove that hot thing wins, basically, all the time.

Interesting breeding in that family that produced Ashley Head-Tosser, Sister Inky, and Silent Brother who tries to keep up with the conversation.

That Vomo island sure has some pretty beaches, though, I must say. So...let's go!