Emily #4: Laughs in London

Sorry I'm late. On vacation. Not to London, but I think I had more fun than a lot of the dudes that were there.

First date: The much-ogled Sean the Blonde. We'll see whether brassy British women will grab at  him the same way those demure southern belles did. Did anybody notice than when Emily pointed out Westminster Abbey, it was not as the place where William & Kate just barely got married--apparently happily--but where Charles and Diana began the world's most publicly failed marriage, like, before she was born? FORESHADOWING! I'm curious--what exactly happened on the afternoon portion of the date that made her lose her voice by evening? Perhaps lots of conversation that didn't make the editorial cut, because it was, you know, ordinary and real and not about Feelings and What We Think About Each Other. Rose, check. I like Sean, even beyond the sympathy points he earned at the hands of Emily's "friends."

Group date: Kalon is such a pompous prig. "The other guys were joking around, but I was taking it seriously." "I was born to play this role." Still digesting that one. Arie, on the other hand, is born to play the role of A Good Sport and is doing it well. As is Travis. (Ooo--seriously splotchy spray-tan on Emily's confessional interviews. Apparently not as common of a procedure in an overcast country.) Love the way Kalon overpompouses himself by shooing Emily away during rehearsal. And the way Arie the Frightened comes through in the clutch.

And finally, Kalon flies his freak flag in front of witnesses, leading to Emily's QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: "I wanna go West Virginia hoodrat backwoods on him." This is vocabulary I do not know. And I'm okay with that. But I'm not okay with her blaming the guys for not telling her about that freak flag. DID YOU NOT SEE IT YOURSELF? Like, when he told you to stop talking so he could finish? Like, when he was being so weird during Shakespeare? I don't believe it's unreasonable for guys to think that tattling on other guys might not be well received. And BTW, girlfriend, Doug DID tell you as soon as he heard about it.

Jef's date: (Man, that looks weird in type.) Teatime! A digression: I just had my first cucumber tea sandwiches a couple of weeks ago (on white bread, buttered) and I could eat them by the fistful. Which is not considered finest form. Off to fish and chips! Which I could also eat a lot of. Oh--the date. Jef's looking later in his teens tonight. Maybe pushing twenty. Good for him. Now what's for dessert? Parfaits! Raspberry, it seems. With Creme Anglais? And a cookie wafer? Oh--oops. Right. The date. Such a nice little boy. He'd make a good buddy for Ricki. But she had to kind of make this date work, right? They're stuck in the London Eye. If she says we're through, they gotta sit there looking silently out the window for...who knows. More parfaits for everyone!

Insecurity Cocktail Party: Enough already. Kalon was a skeeze and you knew it. He's gone. Move on. Now the only question that remains is which of the low-camera-time faces is going home. And the winner is...no-camera-time Alejandro. But on to better news...we're off to DUBROVNIK!