Nice of them to give us a summary at the beginning that requires no commentary whatsoever. Simple: We have four guys. Emily is going to go to their homes and make families say to themselves "Wow. I had no idea our boy could do THAT well!" And then she's going to come back and dump one of them. To the dates!
Chicago Chris: Viva Polska! Okay, knowing that he's a Polish guy definitely makes me see him as better looking than I've thought before now. In Poland, there are a zillion girls who would make you not look twice at Emily. And they're all on the arms of guys who look like Chris's little brother who was locked in a closet, yelled at, and not fed very much. Given the gene pool, Chris definitely sucked all the good material out. With a straw. And then flossed and got regular followup dental care. Poor Chris. I fear his family's concern about him ending heartbroken is going to be justified. And P.S., why couldn't I have had a fun ethnic family that throws costumed folk dance parties when they get together?
St. George Jef: Or should it be St. George Geoff? Or St. Jorge Jef? At any rate, it appears to be St. Rich Jef. This ranch is quite something. River property in the desert? You don't get that by accident. Turns out the hipster is a country boy at heart. This is going to sell well with Emily. (BTW, is one of those Utah fires Jef's fault? Blasting stuff in a canyon somewhere?) And while he's telling her that she looks great, is he secretly thinking that he knows his Mormon family would wish she was wearing a little shrug over that super-great little pleated spaghetti strap dress? Good news: It went well. I'm oddly rooting for this long shot. C'mon, Emily. Can't you see li'l Ricki playing tag under the cottonwoods with the rest of these little girls?
Arizona Arie: Ever since I confirmed that Arie is Arie Luyendyk Jr. I've wondered whether a weeee little bit of her attraction to him is a celebrity crush. Crossed with thinking it's a sign that he's a race car driver just like Ricky I. Not that he isn't great. Super-great. But...those things have gotta be in there, too, right? But as great as he is as an individual, there's always The Family. Are we all appalled at these people speaking Dutch in front of her? And is Emily at all put off to look at Arie's mom and think "In another 30 years, 300 tans, and 5 surgeries, I will look EXACTLY like that"?
Texas Sean: Or Shexas Tawn. Shoot. Of course we had to have a curve-breaker whose name doesn't match the place he's from. All her talk about him being perfect and having a perfect life and perfect family and all makes it sound as if she hasn't cracked the surface yet on him, so she clearly hasn't caught on to the name/place disconnect. And Surprise! His family lives in a McMansion. In Dallas. Of all the...perfectly predictable perfect things. BUT NO!!! Could it be? He not only lives at home, he's living there LIKE A TEN-YEAR OLD? Psych! Super-funny joke. Note: He's the only one she uses a pet name for (Honey), and that she said she HAD missed and WOULD miss. Significant? You decide.
Hollywood Humiliation: Nothing quite like getting dumped on national television after declaring your unlimited love on same said medium. Repeatedly. This'll take some time to heal for a sensitive guy. Good thing Chris has that big dancing family to comfort him. Pierogi won't do it alone. And would someone please tell me where they're headed next week? My recording cut off before the previews.
I got behind on the blog, but OBVIOUSLY I have to comment on the fact that Chris is POLISH! But you nailed it - my first reaction was, "He's WAY too good looking to be a Polish guy!"
ReplyDelete(insert blanket apology to all men of Polish heritage here) ...but eyes don't tell lies. He needs to go to Poland and let the tanning-bed exotic Slavic beauties throw themselves all over him. It'll do wonders for that tender self-esteem (which Bachelor Pad might not).
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