Mmmm...Bermuda. So beautiful, so close, so expensive, so overbuilt. Those things are all connected, right? Shoot. I'm still trying to figure out how to get that job as a Bachelor/ette producer, flying around scouting all these luxury locations.
SingleDadDoug's date: I actually liked their dinner conversation, where Emily poked at a shell she thought was there, and then realized she'd been going about things wrong. Pretty evolved. But then that whole awkward staring business while he refused to give her a kiss...he might not get too far after all.
BTW--all this worry about who's on the two-on-one date? I think the
ones who aren't on the two-on-one need to acknowledge that Emily isn't
even quite sure who you are.
Miscellaneous Men date: Always gotta feel for the half squad that goes home after a competition. Especially when one of them cries. And for poor Jef-with-one-F, who, even though he was on the winning team, looks and sounds like a 14-year-old. Apparently, though, Emily wants kisses from everybody, and most of the men are afraid to do it. Including (surpirse!) the 14-year-old. Next: Ryan the sports trainer continues to be a tool. Next: Jef rocks the pity-rose on the hoodie.
The two-on-one, who-are-you-again date: My advance pick is for the "data destruction specialist" to go home. Take an accountant over a guy that drives the shredder truck any day. But at dinner...no, Emily, it isn't the rose that's making the evening awkward. Math is the problem. As it usually is. And see how it can hurt you in the end? I had a 1-out-of-2 choice and was wrong. Dumb numbers.
The cocktail party: Love the ominous stalker music while Arie is approaching Ryan's EmTime. Arie didn't need to bust in, though. Ryan's self-lovin' sleeze factor is plenty high enough for Emily to pick it up on her own. And did he seriously say all that stuff WITH CAMERAS ROLLING? "I'm meant for bigger things." "I'm a catch." "If I was the bachelor, I'd open up my heart so there'd be heat for everybody to see." Casting this one was easy. But then...oh, Chris, with the age insecurity. Can't let it go, and is therefore PROVING himself to be immature. You can't make this stuff up.
NEW THING: I like the extended "what are you thinking" time with Chris. Hope that continues. This is meant to suggest she's keeping Ryan around just to play him like a fish on a line. Is this where I start liking Emily more? Add to that the mercy cut of Head Wound Charlie and Emily scored some points. You go, girl.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Emily 1-2: catchup
I had a hard time stirring myself to blog again. Been having fine conversations with friends as the first couple of episodes started, textersations with the daughters...and doing the blog requires that I actually sit while I'm watching. So hard. But we've had some great conversations for sure, so...maybe it's time to get some of it in print.
So, a few observations from the first two episodes, then I'll forge on ahead with Episode 3:
1. Emily is Boring Barbie. My DIL Michelle would strenuously argue. Please do. I just really want a funny bachelorette. I do like the way she's being pretty quick on the take when somebody says something stupid. Makes me think there might be more there than you'd think. A tiny bit more. I have a policy of assuming that anyone who goes on the Bachelor/Bachelorette is labeling him- or herself an idiot out of the gate, but I'm open to seeing something more emerge as the show goes on.
2. Boring Barbie has been told she's beautiful so many times she doesn't even hear it anymore. Wow, you're stunning. You're gorgeous. You're so beautiful. My goodness, you look amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And I'm sorry--did you just say something?
3. Boring Barbie is NOT living the life of an "ordinary single mom." 95% of single moms would never complain about the lack of a man in their lives again if they could just be full-time moms in a tricked-out suburban mini-mansion, baking cookies for the soccer team, driving an Escalade (never know how much stuff mini-Barbie might need to tote around with her to playdates or American Girl parties). An unknown percentage of married women would consider knocking their husbands off for it.
4. Turning all those children loose at the park and commanding them and the grown men to play with each other might've been the creepiest thing I've ever seen on this creepy show. If one of them had said, "I'm sorry, this makes me really uncomfortable," he should've gotten a straight pass to the final three.
5. The dude who stepped in it so bad at the park by saying he wouldn't "love on you as much" if Emily got fat might be a pig, but surely isn't a surprise. Girl has fake hair, fake teeth, fake boobs, fake tan, fake lips, fake lashes...and then she acts offended if she attracts the kind of man who's into that stuff?
6. Head Wound Charlie is just as sweet and good and cute as can be, but what woman is going to choose, out of a pool of healthy hot thangs, a man who's going to be dealing with brain injury issues for the rest of his life? They need a mercy rule for things like this.
7. Did you see Emily's bathroom makeup station/suite/compound?
About all I can think of right now. Please fill in what I forgot...
So, a few observations from the first two episodes, then I'll forge on ahead with Episode 3:
1. Emily is Boring Barbie. My DIL Michelle would strenuously argue. Please do. I just really want a funny bachelorette. I do like the way she's being pretty quick on the take when somebody says something stupid. Makes me think there might be more there than you'd think. A tiny bit more. I have a policy of assuming that anyone who goes on the Bachelor/Bachelorette is labeling him- or herself an idiot out of the gate, but I'm open to seeing something more emerge as the show goes on.
2. Boring Barbie has been told she's beautiful so many times she doesn't even hear it anymore. Wow, you're stunning. You're gorgeous. You're so beautiful. My goodness, you look amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And I'm sorry--did you just say something?
3. Boring Barbie is NOT living the life of an "ordinary single mom." 95% of single moms would never complain about the lack of a man in their lives again if they could just be full-time moms in a tricked-out suburban mini-mansion, baking cookies for the soccer team, driving an Escalade (never know how much stuff mini-Barbie might need to tote around with her to playdates or American Girl parties). An unknown percentage of married women would consider knocking their husbands off for it.
4. Turning all those children loose at the park and commanding them and the grown men to play with each other might've been the creepiest thing I've ever seen on this creepy show. If one of them had said, "I'm sorry, this makes me really uncomfortable," he should've gotten a straight pass to the final three.
5. The dude who stepped in it so bad at the park by saying he wouldn't "love on you as much" if Emily got fat might be a pig, but surely isn't a surprise. Girl has fake hair, fake teeth, fake boobs, fake tan, fake lips, fake lashes...and then she acts offended if she attracts the kind of man who's into that stuff?
6. Head Wound Charlie is just as sweet and good and cute as can be, but what woman is going to choose, out of a pool of healthy hot thangs, a man who's going to be dealing with brain injury issues for the rest of his life? They need a mercy rule for things like this.
7. Did you see Emily's bathroom makeup station/suite/compound?
About all I can think of right now. Please fill in what I forgot...
Monday, March 12, 2012
BatchBen: After the Final Rose
Ethical question: Does commitment meant that you stick with somebody through a horrible mess of her own making? Do you stick with somebody when they do something embarrassing? One would hope so. Do you stick with somebody when they turn up at the top of a Ponzi scheme? One would hope not. So I'm thinking the line is somewhere in between. I have to hope, though, that my line would be short of behavior that reveals dreadful character.
What was the chain of possession that got the ring into Chris's hands? And I'm sorry, but it's just as ludicrous to me the second time to have Ben offer a ring he didn't pay for.
Now to happier couples, and the really big news: Ashley finished school!
And that's how it ends. Now we wait for May and...Emily. The season promoted tonight as "Li'l Ricki Calls the Ball." The Bachelorette for Children. Or How to Really Mess Up a Kid in the Name of Putting the Kid First. Let's all hope I'm wrong.
What was the chain of possession that got the ring into Chris's hands? And I'm sorry, but it's just as ludicrous to me the second time to have Ben offer a ring he didn't pay for.
Now to happier couples, and the really big news: Ashley finished school!
And that's how it ends. Now we wait for May and...Emily. The season promoted tonight as "Li'l Ricki Calls the Ball." The Bachelorette for Children. Or How to Really Mess Up a Kid in the Name of Putting the Kid First. Let's all hope I'm wrong.
BatchBen #11: So predictable
"My sister generally doesn't approve of the women I date."
Do we really need anything else? History and future are one. I just wish they included the family in the After the Final Rose show. I would LOVE to hear what mom and sister had to say after seeing the whole season play out. Actually, I'd like to just skip to THAT show right now--the scenery is the only thing keeping me tuned in to this one right now. Well, and the fact that it's still an hour and a half in the future. (The Women Tell All episode is still sitting on my DVR. I didn't figure it mattered for watching this one.)
I was wishing Lindzi would run right past Ben and nuzzle the horses at the beginning of their carriage-ride date. She shoulda. They'd be better company, in the long term. It's really uncomfortable to watch her "put herself out there" when we know (a) he's going to pick Courtney and (b) how little worth it he is.
On Courtney's date, I observed that Disneyland did a really good job with the Matterhorn. That's about it. I was busy deleting cookies (from my browsing history, not from my kitchen).
Do you get the sense these last dates are all about the girls trying to earn as many vulnerability points as possible?
Quote of the night, from (of course) Courtney: "He brings out the best in me." Digest that. Thoroughly. Now picture what happens when somebody brings out her worst.
Classy, Lindzi. That finish was impressive. She's gonna do great things, far better than she would've hooked to that anchor. Future's so bright, you gotta wear shades.
And then there was (yawn) Courtney. Standing with Ben among the clumps of fake snow. Fake, fake, fake, and...hey! Look! It's time for the show I really wanted to see!
Do we really need anything else? History and future are one. I just wish they included the family in the After the Final Rose show. I would LOVE to hear what mom and sister had to say after seeing the whole season play out. Actually, I'd like to just skip to THAT show right now--the scenery is the only thing keeping me tuned in to this one right now. Well, and the fact that it's still an hour and a half in the future. (The Women Tell All episode is still sitting on my DVR. I didn't figure it mattered for watching this one.)
I was wishing Lindzi would run right past Ben and nuzzle the horses at the beginning of their carriage-ride date. She shoulda. They'd be better company, in the long term. It's really uncomfortable to watch her "put herself out there" when we know (a) he's going to pick Courtney and (b) how little worth it he is.
On Courtney's date, I observed that Disneyland did a really good job with the Matterhorn. That's about it. I was busy deleting cookies (from my browsing history, not from my kitchen).
Do you get the sense these last dates are all about the girls trying to earn as many vulnerability points as possible?
Quote of the night, from (of course) Courtney: "He brings out the best in me." Digest that. Thoroughly. Now picture what happens when somebody brings out her worst.
Classy, Lindzi. That finish was impressive. She's gonna do great things, far better than she would've hooked to that anchor. Future's so bright, you gotta wear shades.
And then there was (yawn) Courtney. Standing with Ben among the clumps of fake snow. Fake, fake, fake, and...hey! Look! It's time for the show I really wanted to see!
Monday, February 27, 2012
BatchBen #9: Yodel this
Ben's biggest fear? That he'll get it wrong. Oh, honey. You already have. But that's the easy joke. Actually, doesn't everyone want a good match? And if the definition of a good match is someone who's like you, well, Ben, meet Courtney. (And that "unexplainable chemistry" you're describing, yeah, that's a naked girl throwing herself at you.) Actually, Jill's wish is for the final two to be Nicki and Courtney, and he picks Nicki (for maximum Courtney humiliation) and then Nicki dumps him. I must say, there would be a certain sweet justice there.
Nicki's date: These Bachelor producers have the best job in the world. Who got to scout the helicopter ride and the picnic location in the Swiss Alps? (And with that pinnacle overlook, how did the helicopter land on a spot that was hardly big enough for the two of them to stand on?) I like Nicki. She was one of my initial top three for being classy right out of the limo, which automatically makes her a YCDB. And automatically makes me wish that she'll say no to an overnight with a guy who's going to ask another girl the same thing tomorrow night. But girls everywhere need to learn the lesson of The Bachelor: If you don't want to lose your guy, give him anything he wants.
Linzi's date: Remember, dirt is her makeup! What could be a more perfect date than extreme outdoor sports? Wait--or...is she hiding a wee little princess inside? No, no room for a princess. Too many relationship cliches bottled up in there! "You need to overcome your fear of getting hurt," "Stepping off a ledge is a lot like stepping into a relationship," "You have to be there for each other, just like stepping off a cliff." And best I could tell, they were being lowered. No rappelling. Just sitting there. And...fail #2 at the overnight invite. And...can we stop saying "vulnerable"? When she's lying back on the pillows with her dress up to her waist, hearing the dude involved describe her as "the most vulnerable I've ever seen her" is downright disturbing.
Courtney's date: Again, who got to scout the villages and picnic sites for this date? HOW DO I GET THAT JOB? On the picnic, though, I'm not understanding where Ben came up with this sudden concern about Courtney and the girls. What's happened between him giving her the last rose and then meeting her for this date? He found his better nature? Wait--no. Of course not. All he wanted to hear to explain away displays of poor character was "I'm sorry." Well, you got it. And a little something on the side. I wonder how he'll feel about that when she does something cruel and selfish and tells him, "Well, I SAID I'm sorry!"
The Emily interlude: I'm guessing they picked these three "girlfriends" before Allie broke up with Roberto. Mighty small pool of Bachelor success story girls to put together. And my feeling about that season remains...poor li'l Rickie.
The Kacie interlude: Ding-ding-ding! His answer to why he let her go: We come from "different worlds." Code for: "standards that make me uncomfortable." And he doesn't get what she's saying about Courtney. Of course.
The rose ceremony: Nice show of having wrestled with the decision. Did anyone ever really believe it? Sorry, Nicki. He didn't get what you said about Courtney, either. Or what five or six other people said about her. Or what she said about herself. Sure, life is like a box of chocolates, but when enough people are telling you the same thing about what's inside the pretty dark one with the extra-shiny icing...believe them.
Nicki's date: These Bachelor producers have the best job in the world. Who got to scout the helicopter ride and the picnic location in the Swiss Alps? (And with that pinnacle overlook, how did the helicopter land on a spot that was hardly big enough for the two of them to stand on?) I like Nicki. She was one of my initial top three for being classy right out of the limo, which automatically makes her a YCDB. And automatically makes me wish that she'll say no to an overnight with a guy who's going to ask another girl the same thing tomorrow night. But girls everywhere need to learn the lesson of The Bachelor: If you don't want to lose your guy, give him anything he wants.
Linzi's date: Remember, dirt is her makeup! What could be a more perfect date than extreme outdoor sports? Wait--or...is she hiding a wee little princess inside? No, no room for a princess. Too many relationship cliches bottled up in there! "You need to overcome your fear of getting hurt," "Stepping off a ledge is a lot like stepping into a relationship," "You have to be there for each other, just like stepping off a cliff." And best I could tell, they were being lowered. No rappelling. Just sitting there. And...fail #2 at the overnight invite. And...can we stop saying "vulnerable"? When she's lying back on the pillows with her dress up to her waist, hearing the dude involved describe her as "the most vulnerable I've ever seen her" is downright disturbing.
Courtney's date: Again, who got to scout the villages and picnic sites for this date? HOW DO I GET THAT JOB? On the picnic, though, I'm not understanding where Ben came up with this sudden concern about Courtney and the girls. What's happened between him giving her the last rose and then meeting her for this date? He found his better nature? Wait--no. Of course not. All he wanted to hear to explain away displays of poor character was "I'm sorry." Well, you got it. And a little something on the side. I wonder how he'll feel about that when she does something cruel and selfish and tells him, "Well, I SAID I'm sorry!"
The Emily interlude: I'm guessing they picked these three "girlfriends" before Allie broke up with Roberto. Mighty small pool of Bachelor success story girls to put together. And my feeling about that season remains...poor li'l Rickie.
The Kacie interlude: Ding-ding-ding! His answer to why he let her go: We come from "different worlds." Code for: "standards that make me uncomfortable." And he doesn't get what she's saying about Courtney. Of course.
The rose ceremony: Nice show of having wrestled with the decision. Did anyone ever really believe it? Sorry, Nicki. He didn't get what you said about Courtney, either. Or what five or six other people said about her. Or what she said about herself. Sure, life is like a box of chocolates, but when enough people are telling you the same thing about what's inside the pretty dark one with the extra-shiny icing...believe them.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
BatchBen #8: Hometown dates
I heard ahead of time how this one turned out, and I'm so disgusted with Ben I'm mailing it in from here. I hope he ends up with Courtney. They deserve each other. I think this season of the Bachelor is a case study in how television can turn a good guy into a tool.
First, a couple of observations: a) Why all the fuss when the girl comes into the family home? She's been there for DAYS. b) Is all that food people aren't eating during the dinners nobody wants that drag on for hours in front of the camera going to feed hungry children somewhere?
Anyway, first up, Lindzi: I like a girl who names her horse Devin. Maurice and Clint would've also been acceptable. Lindzi, you can do better. Much. I must say, though, this date is making me think better of Florida. Nice spot.
Next, Kacie: Why are they still calling her Kacie B.? I think we're pretty clear on which Kacie we're dealing with. I love that swing coat of hers. Of course, I love her, so...that helps the coat. Her folks sure came across as a stiff pair at first. How did Suzie Sparkles come out of those two? But then I heard them being actually rational and serious about this whole thing...a voice of sanity! Girl, they may have just saved you! Go home to your good family and be grateful. Also be grateful they've already cast the next Bachelorette and you don't have to go down the same toilet Ben just did.
Now, Nicki: Ben's hair under a cowboy hat is ridiculous. It definitely says "I'm a Sonoma toff in a costume!" After that, I confess I kinda checked out of the rest of this date. Whatever.
And the one they saved for last, Courtney, who says she "isn't proud" of everything she's done to get here. That the reason for her previous man problems isn't obvious to her is a sign of serious mental and social retardation. Wise mother (who also does affected things with her lips when she talks) doesn't think Courtney could actually be in love [translation: because she knows her]. Courtney is preening and touching her hair less here. Interpretations, please? Is that a competitive gesture she doesn't need when there aren't other girls around? Ironic that she admires that he has "no hidden agenda." I guess we're supposed to attach ourselves to people who make us better, so, good luck with that, girl.
Finally, the rose ceremony. Ben, you're an idiot. Kacie would've made you a better man. So choose Courtney. Be miserable. Break up on the front pages of Us Weekly. Be a laughingstock. Go on, now. (And Kacie, you're the classiest thing we've seen on this show.)
First, a couple of observations: a) Why all the fuss when the girl comes into the family home? She's been there for DAYS. b) Is all that food people aren't eating during the dinners nobody wants that drag on for hours in front of the camera going to feed hungry children somewhere?
Anyway, first up, Lindzi: I like a girl who names her horse Devin. Maurice and Clint would've also been acceptable. Lindzi, you can do better. Much. I must say, though, this date is making me think better of Florida. Nice spot.
Next, Kacie: Why are they still calling her Kacie B.? I think we're pretty clear on which Kacie we're dealing with. I love that swing coat of hers. Of course, I love her, so...that helps the coat. Her folks sure came across as a stiff pair at first. How did Suzie Sparkles come out of those two? But then I heard them being actually rational and serious about this whole thing...a voice of sanity! Girl, they may have just saved you! Go home to your good family and be grateful. Also be grateful they've already cast the next Bachelorette and you don't have to go down the same toilet Ben just did.
Now, Nicki: Ben's hair under a cowboy hat is ridiculous. It definitely says "I'm a Sonoma toff in a costume!" After that, I confess I kinda checked out of the rest of this date. Whatever.
And the one they saved for last, Courtney, who says she "isn't proud" of everything she's done to get here. That the reason for her previous man problems isn't obvious to her is a sign of serious mental and social retardation. Wise mother (who also does affected things with her lips when she talks) doesn't think Courtney could actually be in love [translation: because she knows her]. Courtney is preening and touching her hair less here. Interpretations, please? Is that a competitive gesture she doesn't need when there aren't other girls around? Ironic that she admires that he has "no hidden agenda." I guess we're supposed to attach ourselves to people who make us better, so, good luck with that, girl.
Finally, the rose ceremony. Ben, you're an idiot. Kacie would've made you a better man. So choose Courtney. Be miserable. Break up on the front pages of Us Weekly. Be a laughingstock. Go on, now. (And Kacie, you're the classiest thing we've seen on this show.)
Monday, February 13, 2012
BatchBen #7: Group date--start with a good shave
Alert! Date metaphor! You have to "dive in" and "conquer your fears." Good grief. If you were with a girls' getaway group and you decided to "conquer your fears" for once in your almighty life, would you feel like you'd learned profound things about your relationships with them just because they were on the same boat with you?
How long is Ben going to call Kacie "Kacie B"?
FINALLY we find women who have figured out that they have power in numbers and that if there's a Bad Girl in the batch they need to say something TOGETHER.
And straight to the elimination round. How much did Courtney drink before the cocktail party started? That pina colada she was schmoozing over wasn't her first, I do believe. More important, how much has Ben been drinking all along? WHAT RESPECTABLE MAN WANTS SOMEBODY WHO BABYTALKS AND PREENS EVERY SECOND? Thus we see. Not a respectable man.
How long is Ben going to call Kacie "Kacie B"?
FINALLY we find women who have figured out that they have power in numbers and that if there's a Bad Girl in the batch they need to say something TOGETHER.
And straight to the elimination round. How much did Courtney drink before the cocktail party started? That pina colada she was schmoozing over wasn't her first, I do believe. More important, how much has Ben been drinking all along? WHAT RESPECTABLE MAN WANTS SOMEBODY WHO BABYTALKS AND PREENS EVERY SECOND? Thus we see. Not a respectable man.
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