Bachelorette: Ashley, Episode 1

Okay, ladies, here we go: We have a heavenly Bachelorette summer stretching out in front of us, made all the more fun by sharing. Updating my phone OS and losing a year's worth of text snark was pretty painful, so I'm finally driven to blogging. Ready? Episode 1--let's introduce the cast. In order of appearance, in batches within separate entries to keep comments close to their subjects. Chime in as you see fit.

Ashley: I believe this season's subtitle may turn out to be All About Ashley's Abs. Did I miss something, or since when was she a dancer? And a dance coach, apparently. Perhaps there's more use for the language of dance in dental communication than I would've thought. Ashley is probably my favorite part of this season, because she's so shallow and senseless I'm totally fine with eating popcorn while I watch her li'l heart get broken (as we were told, luridly, repeatedly, would happen). How bad can it hurt when you're so into your own cuteness you can hardly feel it beating? Good news: I think the extensions are weighing her hair down enough to reduce the tossing. Too bad they couldn't find extensions that would keep her hands away from her face.