f The Bachelor clearly do not hire scriptwriters to help these girls with their opening lines. You're on your own here, gals. And we'll start the liquor flowing before you even get there to help you feel freer about saying things that will make you want to crawl under the sofa when you watch at home. Here they are, in the order in which they disembarked from their shrieking, giggling limos:Rachel: Bangs and blonde. I appreciate the bangs, but...don't remember anything else.
Erika: Law student, with the line about sentencing him GUILTY of being hot. Or something like that.
Amber "Bacon": Wanna taste of my bacon? Super-awkward, and headed straight home.
Elyse: A personal trainer who will "make you sweat."
Jenna: The drinking started VERY early for this one, who was already clearly unstable before she got in the car. Then she fumbled her line (quoting his memorable quip from the end of last season), went inside and whipped herself about it to any/everybody who would listen, then attacked a girl who said she didn't actually "feel" anything yet for a guy she'd just met but would stick around anyway, tattled about it to any/everybody who would listen, dissolved into tears, and wound up at the rose ceremony with her nose still visibly red. Yup, that was a producer keep, and I wager she'll make it another week. But the good news is that we have our first cast member of this season's Bachelor Pad!
Courtney: The designated "I'm not here to make friends" contestant. A model who loves the way the label instantly makes her hotter. She'll definitely expose Ben's shallower side ("That is a pret-ty guurl") and be around for a good while.
Emily: PhD in epidemiology with all the hand sanitizer and the talk about disease that had something to do with catching the right thing from the right person. Eek. And a closet rapper. (Different from a closet-wrapper.)
Samantha: A pageant girl who insisted she's so much more than that, but had the sash to make sure no one could ever see it.
Casey: In the see-through dress, who just said "I'll see you inside" and not much else. Apparently, she didn't need much else.
Amber T: The double-entrance. "Now you've seen me twice!" Which was enough for him, it seems.
Holly's Hat: Who entered wearing Holly and keeping the glare off Holly's Boobs. The four of them left together, as well.
Jamie: No line, so I love her already. Just a polite introduction, how are you, pleased to meet you, see you inside. And bless him, it worked. She gets a star in my entry book.
Shira: How many women have said they know ALL about wine as soon as they meet him, and then...don't. However many that is, add one. Then send her home to get something eat. Quickly.
Blakely: That is one tall drink of water. Duly noted by Ben, apparently, and retained for further evaluation.
Brittney's Grandma: Who was happy to meet Ben and then headed straight in for drinks! Oh--and then there's Brittney. Would she be there at all without Gran?
Nicki: With her super-classy sparkly cleavage-spillage-free dress, who also entered without a cheesy line. I love her best.
Diana: Brought the giggles out of the limo with her, escalated to hysteria, forgot her line (probably a mercy) then made the oh-so-wise decision to blindfold a guy she wants to remember her. Oops. See ya.
Jennifer: Accountant who ran through "the numbers" with him. Number of rose ceremonies she'll see? I'm guessing...two. Tops.
Lindsey the English Girl: Apparently an English accent doesn't work magic for everybody.
Anna: Who skipped the opening line for an opening routine, by walking by silently with a little wave. I think their next words might've been "Goodbye. Good luck."
Monica: Already misses her dog. After a day? I don't recall any of the single moms expressing the same sentiment about their children. She did relish watching Lindsey spin out of control, so she's not ALL about loving fragile creatures.
Jaclyn: I don't remember a darn thing, except a note that she's an ad account rep. Go advertising!
Shawn: Worst dressed. That green grab-everything dress with the bustle WAS her opening line. And her bottom line.
Kacie B: Very real, and not overflowing her dress. She gets another of my early gold stars.
Lindzi: I liked her in her opening interview, but the horse entry was lame, and talking about how she's been riding her whole life reveals a seriously indulged high-maintenance woman. Any doubt? Check the spelling of her name. Here's hoping that first impression rose doesn't carry her too far.
So good luck with this, Ben. Any other thoughts or observations? How long do you think it'll be before somebody picks up on his thing with hummingbirds being a token of his deceased father and starts wearing hummingbird pins and headbands and earrings and slipping drawings under his bedroom door? Who'll go far? Who'll go farther than she should? Who are you rooting for?
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